


impossible and self-imposed

by startaroux



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bad Cooking, Declarations Of Love, First Kiss, Food Poisoning, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Usopp (One Piece), Pining, Situations Getting Out of Hand, features sanji as usopp's wingman, or trying to be at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startaroux/pseuds/startaroux
Summary: Red was Luffy's color; always had been. So with that accepted as fact, wouldn't it look so much better splashed acrosshisface?
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Usopp
Comments: 11
Kudos: 64





	impossible and self-imposed

**Author's Note:**

> I think this ship deserves way more love than it gets, so I wanted to write something for them. Hope you like it :)

Usopp hated dilemmas. Like, really fucking hated being put in any type of a situation. He would avoid a problem like Zoro avoided directions, almost to the point of things getting completely out of hand.

So it was a bit counterintuitive, then, for him to have feelings for Luffy like he did when the man was essentially a dilemma factory. That was how this whole shit started, after all. 

It was one of those sunny days, rarer than rare, where the climate almost felt similar to that of their home in East Blue. They’d spent the day playing Tag--Usopp had practically wiped the floor with Luffy, of course--and they were lounging in the sun, waiting for Sanji to bring another round of watermelonade (his own creation) out to everyone.

Per usual, they were lying side by side in identical positions with their shoulders brushing, and nothing shy of a hurricane could make Usopp move from his spot.

"Hey, Usopp?" Luffy asked, stretching out across the boards of Sunny's deck. 

"Hm?” Usopp took a languid moment before answering in a voice heavy with laziness. “What is it, Luffy."

"Imagine getting paid to be cute or something," he chuckled and Usopp couldn’t help but grin.

Silly thoughts like that were never a surprise coming from Luffy, especially in moments like this when he was comfortable and barely awake with his brain half-baked from the sun.

"Mm," Usopp replied, finally. "Yeah, that'd make for an interesting career wouldn’t it?"

"Uh-huh," was all Luffy could mumble before a yawn took over. Once it subsided, he scratched at his chest and rolled his head toward his friend. "I think you'd be rich as hell, Usopp."

And with that, the captain nodded off to sleep with a dopey grin on his face right next to a flustered Usopp frozen beside him. Completely and utterly unaware of the scarlet blush that had bloomed across his sniper's face.

_...What?_

-*-*-*-

"Hm. The red _could_ be redder, I guess. Maybe I should see if I can find some of those red dye bugs somewhere on the island..."

Repainting the crew’s Jolly Roger on the mainsail was Usopp’s self-appointed job for the day. It had faded considerably during their most recent adventure on an incredibly tall island. The Straw Hats had actually thought they’d found a passage to another sky island at first, but it seemed this one was more like Reverse Mountain, only flat at the top and _much_ bigger.

Anyway, there was something about being closer to the sun and ultraviolet rays-- _whatever_ Robin said it was, it had nearly bleached the sail back to its original white color and, well, that just wouldn't work for a respectable pirate crew, would it? They all needed that symbol as much as it needed them, after all.

Usopp wanted to have it finished before Luffy got back from exploring the new _respectable-altitude-having_ island with Nami and Chopper, sort of as a surprise for him. 

In fact, he had planned this the moment he saw Luffy's disappointment at the sun-blemished sail that no longer displayed their mark for all to see. 

As a side note, he was nearly preening at the fact that it was _his own artwork_ that Luffy was so unhappy with losing, but in the end, he kept that little pocket of pride to himself. Bragging about small affections (no matter how insignificant they may be) was always more of a Sanji thing to do anyway.

In any case, the Straw Hat Pirates’ Jolly Roger was looking good as new (if not better than before) even if the red wasn’t _quite_ as bold as he would have liked it to be. The hours of work he spent on this would all be worth it once he got to see the smile on Luffy’s face. He might even get a blush when Usopp told him he’d done it just for his captain--

A shout from below yanked Usopp out of his daydream and he hurried to cover everything back up for the unveiling. He realized too late that he still had paint smudges all over his clothes and skin, but there was nothing to be done because Luffy had already tumbled onto the deck from where he’d slingshotted himself and came to a rolling halt right in front of Usopp’s boots.  
  


_Showtime._

“Captain Monkey D. Luffy!” Usopp puffed his chest out and projected in his best stage voice. “May I have your attention, please?”

Luffy blinked up at him like a confused toad but rearranged himself anyway to sit on the deck with his legs crossed, giving Usopp his full attention.

“Yeah, okay.”

Clearing his throat, Usopp continued.

“In the distant waters of the East Blue, there was born a boy who knew only one thing in his wretched and perilous life. That was to paint. Day in, day out, sunrise, sunset, all the boy could do was draw and paint and create his art until he nearly collapsed from exhaustion."

Usopp smirked inwardly when he saw Luffy straighten up, and he _knew_ from that small sign that he had his undivided attention.

“And though the boy only ever did as he loved to do, _something_ was missing. Yes! It was that one perfect masterpiece, that ultimate work of art he could stake his life on: His magnum opus.”

Luffy practically had stars in his eyes at that point and Usopp paused his brilliant narration for a moment to allow questions.

“Did he find it?” Luffy asked, gripping onto his knees and leaning forward as far as he could go without tipping forward. “Did he ever make his magic otis?”

Usopp's heart flipped.

“I sure did.” 

At that moment, Usopp grinned his most dazzling grin, gripped the tarp that was covering his masterpiece, and tore it off with a flourish and a bow.

“Behold!” he bellowed. “The most valuable of all my life’s work! The Great Artist Usopp’s _magnum opus_!”

Usopp was expecting Luffy to grin one of his brighter-than-the-sun grins when he saw what was under the tarp. He was expecting him to laugh and slap Usopp on the back a couple of times, maybe even tell him it looked great or perfect or...

What he _wasn’t_ expecting was quiet. The smile was there, yes, but he wasn't expecting it to be so subdued; so _soft_. He wasn’t expecting such a tender gaze that could melt a lesser man, and he _certainly_ wasn’t expecting Luffy’s arms when they stretched out and snapped back to pull Usopp down into a squeezing hug that left him breathless.

“It’s the most beautiful magnet orbit I’ve ever seen,” Luffy whispered, squeezing him tight, before hopping up, dropping Usopp on his ass, and yelling, “Zoro! Sanji! Raise the sail so we can show the Marines!”

Usopp was left on the ground after that, unable to move, face burning in that very same crimson color he had been looking for earlier.

-*-*-*-

_A dilemma indeed._

Usopp harrumphed as he sat, thoroughly enjoying his afternoon snack in the galley. It was possible to feel two emotions at once, after all and _damn_ , did Sanji know how to bake a pie.

Cherry pie, this time. Sweet and warm and--red. Yet another reminder of his own stupid face every time Luffy so much as looked at him lately.

Red was Luffy's color; always had been. So with that accepted as fact, wouldn't it look so much better splashed across _his_ face? Tingeing the tops of _his_ ears?

Usopp had had it. Absolutely fucking had it all the way to the moon and back with this mess.

_Why_ did he keep blushing like a maiden around Luffy? And _why_ couldn't he return the favor? 

Well. He knew the answer to both of those questions. He'd developed quite a hearty infatuation with his captain, but it wasn't clear if the feeling was returned.

Deep down, Usopp knew falling in love with Luffy was impossible. It should've been, at least. Luffy didn't _get_ that way with other people, and he certainly didn't get flustered from those types of feelings. 

Usopp dropped his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter and almost immediately cringed at the sound.

"Oi."

Honestly, just like a dog whistle to this one.

"Sorry, Sanji," Usopp sighed, defeated. "Won't happen again."

The cook eyed Usopp up and down for a moment before turning away and seemingly deciding to mind his own damn business.

_Good_ , Usopp thought, standing and stepping away from the table. _One less person to witness my inevitable downfall._

Before he could breathe out a dramatic sigh and trudge his way back out through the galley door, however, he heard a loud thump behind him.

When Usopp turned back around, he saw Sanji leaned up against the table in all his usual slouchy nonchalance. Sitting on the table next to Sanji, though--a bit more imposing than any inanimate object should've been--was a worn-out tome with yellowed pages, half of them askew and sticking out at odd angles.

"Uh--"

"You want to know something I've always heard said but never really given much thought to?" Sanji interrupted like a jerk, also as usual. He took Usopp's look of confusion as the go-ahead to continue. "'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach,' or uh-- _ahem_ \--so I've heard _said_..."

"And you're telling me this, why...?" This wasn't the first time Sanji acted all cryptic and vague. Sometimes it was like working a crossword puzzle just to get the man to tell you how his day was.

"I'm letting you borrow this for _one night_ , long nose," Sanji said instead of answering the damn question. Of course. "And I'd better have it back to me unharmed in the morning or there _will_ be hell to pay."

At that, the cook slid toward him what Usopp could now see was a cookbook, just as ancient-looking as it was massive. Did Sanji actually expect him to _use_ this thing? Sure, he knew a few of the cooking basics, but _this_ \--

…Could actually work. Yes...

_Yes._

Usopp had a plan.

-*-*-*-

"Right this way, Luffy. As promised, your meal awaits." Usopp bowed lower than what was at all necessary and felt his nose brush the floor. Maybe a little heavy on the dramatics, but he wanted his plan to work this time, and he wanted it to work _well_.

Luffy's face would be redder than his cool, flowy shirt that he looked so handsome in by the end of the night, Usopp was sure of it.

In the end, he had taken Sanji's advice; taken it right to the spice cabinet where he'd grabbed every single container with the word "pepper" written across it and mixed them together. He then perused Sanji's old-as-shit cookbook for its spiciest of recipes and then _doubled_ the recommended measurements.

It would be called "Usopp's Great Chili Surprise" and it would go down in history as a dish so spicy, it could make a dragon cry.

But first, it needed to get Luffy flustered; make his face explode in vermillion.

"Just have a seat and I'll be right there," Usopp said, turning away and grinning his most devilish grin when he heard Luffy flop down at the head of the table.

"So how come you're cooking instead of Sanji? Is he sick or something?" Luffy asked, sounding like the epitome of innocence. "Because if he's sick, we need to let Chopper know. I hate it when my friends are feeling bad."

Usopp grit his teeth as he spooned his Great Chili Surprise into a bowl for the captain. He would _not_ let his heart be swayed by the obvious care Luffy has for the wellbeing of his crew.

"Oh he's fine, he's fine," Usopp reassured and schooled his face before turning back toward Luffy with his most convincing grin. "Just thought he could use a break, is all. You know how hard he works."

" _Ohh_. Yeah, great idea, Usopp!" Luffy said, taking the bowl from him. "You really are the best. That's so cool of you to do that for him!"

And Usopp was _certain_ he would melt this time under Luffy's grin of pure sunflowers and happiness.

And well-- shit. The guilt he felt was _suffocating_. 

_What was he doing?_ In the face of unadulterated kindness, he'd given Luffy poison in return? And for what? That recipe could kill a man!

Usopp felt sheer terror rip through him as he saw Luffy lift the bowl to his mouth, spoon forgone as usual. There was no way. He could _not_ let Luffy eat such a malignancy. 

Usopp _screamed_ \--his go-to distraction--ripped the bowl out of Luffy's hands and downed it all in one go. And he knew that if anyone on their ship was well suited for eating spicy foods it would be him, but _hell_ \--

Sanji would murder him in his sleep if he found out what Usopp had done to one of his beloved recipes. 

This had to be what actual Hell tasted like. 

There _was_ no taste. None. No pleasant burn underneath an explosion of flavor, like what would normally be in a spicy dish. There was only _pain_. Pain, heat, and more pain.

Usopp felt his face burn maroon as he blacked out.

-*-*-*-

"...sopp. Usopp. _Uuuusooooopp_."

"Hng-"

Oh, he felt like death.

"You're awake," said the one voice Usopp least wanted to hear at the moment. "Anyways, you passed out so I got Chopper and he said he had to punch your stomach? I'm not really sure why he would do that if you're sick, but I mean, _he's_ the doctor, so…"

"P-pump," Usopp was able to rasp out, barely cracking open bloodshot eyes to look at Luffy. "Think he pumped… my s-stomach."

"...Huh." Luffy, _bless him_ , handed over a glass of water and Usopp gulped it down. "Guess it's a secret doctor technique, then."

They were both silent for an awful moment, Usopp barely hanging onto consciousness and Luffy just _looking_ at him like some wide-eyed sea bird. It was almost like he was waiting for Usopp to speak; giving him the time he needed to work up to it.

Usopp was no stranger to this, apologizing when he had messed up. In the years they’d known each other, he and Luffy had pretty much been to hell and back together and he knew-- _he knew_ , beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he would be forgiven. Luffy was just like that. Forgive and forget, like water under a bridge. This wasn’t even his most serious transgression.

But it was his motivation behind the transgression that terrified him. 

Luffy had a way of pulling the truth out of someone. When he was serious, he could sniff out the root of an issue like a bloodhound after a rabbit and make it look like a complete accident. He could turn a liar like Usopp into the most honest man who ever lived with nothing but the tilt of his head and a toothy grin.

So when Luffy asked him, “Is there something you want to talk about?” Usopp could do nothing but blurt out the truth.

"You give me anxiety."

Shit. Usopp pulled a pillow over his face and groaned into it. What a fantastic start. 

"That… came out wrong," he mumbled at Luffy's confused face and attempted to sit all the way up.

Luffy offered his hand and he took it, shuffling to the edge of the infirmary cot and letting his legs hang off the side, knees bumping with his captain's. He stared at his feet as he spoke, unable to meet Luffy's eyes.

"Here's the thing," he said, "I have this problem, right? And normally, when something doesn't go right for me, I try to think up different solutions to get past the obstacle."

"Like for your inventions?"

"Yeah, and… other things," Usopp answered. "Dilemmas too."

"Okay. So…" When Usopp looked back up at Luffy, his face was scrunched up in thought. Cute as hell. "Your dilemma is that I give you anxiety?"

Usopp nodded but didn't miss Luffy's expression morph into one of worry.

"Yeah, kind of. But it's not like it's your fault or anything," Usopp sighed. "I've put myself in an impossible situation and taken things way too far. Again. Luffy, I'm sorry."

Luffy still had that cute frown he gets when he's thinking a bit too hard about something, but it quickly dissolved into laughter; not scathing, but a light chuckle that said he thought _something_ about this situation was funny.

"This crew goes through impossible situations every day," he said with a boyish grin, and Usopp's heart _soared_ at that. "And sometimes we have to come up with impossible solutions. So there's really no such thing as impossible when you want something, right?"

"…Right."

The captain seemed to be pleased with that response and reached over to give Usopp's shoulders a quick squeeze before standing to leave.

Usopp stared, mind racing with even more ideas and plans and blueprints, but when Luffy started to walk away to go "sneak some meat," he realized that there was only one thing he wanted to do. 

"Luffy."

When the captain turned around, Usopp stopped thinking at 90 miles a minute for once in his life and instead, he _acted_.

Grabbing Luffy by the front of his shirt, he twirled them around, dipped him low, and kissed him in the most dramatic display of affection he could imagine.

Usopp didn't even know _how_ to kiss properly, but he damn sure tried. Lips pressed firmly to Luffy's and eyelids fluttering shut, he felt two strong arms squeeze around him and then he was getting kissed _back_.

It was chaste. Nothing more than a few hard, wet pecks to the lips, but it was _perfect_ and when Usopp opened his eyes, Luffy's face was damn near on _fire_ and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life.

It wasn't an embarrassed blush, no shame here and that was perfect. Better than anything he'd hoped for, born from exhilaration and mirth. 

_There's no such thing as impossible when you want something._

Maybe this wasn't so hopeless after all.

" _I'minlovewithyou_ ," Usopp said all in one breath, then cursed himself and cleared his throat to try again. "I mean, _love_ love. Okay? And I keep getting all blushy and weird around you, so I tried to make you get blushy and weird too but it didn't work at first so then--"

"Usopp," Luffy interrupted and _god_ was Usopp happy to see his blush still raging like a supernova. He was beautiful. "Can we keep doing that? Please?"

"Yeah! Yes. I want to. A lot."

He didn't think he could make Luffy blush even _harder_ but with their faces inches apart, he saw the bright red color spread from Luffy's face down to his neck. He smiled into their second kiss.

And it was so, _so_ good.

-*-*-*-

Usopp still hated dilemmas. He still hated being thrown into situations and he especially hated it when he got flustered for no reason at all.

But he loved Luffy more. He _really_ loved getting to kiss Luffy and he _adored_ the rosy tint that cropped up on his cheeks every time they did.

Red really was his color.


End file.
